


Did We Really Stop It?

by PoliMollyKari



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Again so much angst, Angst, Depression, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Diego Hargreeves-centric, Diego centric, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Stuttering Diego Hargreeves, but then again i want them to be happy, but they will be slowly healing, i warned you, so much angst I’m basically projecting my real life problems onto the characters oops, so some fun actions are gonna be included, when you save the world but it still sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoliMollyKari/pseuds/PoliMollyKari
Summary: AU where the Hargreeves siblings prevented the apocalypse and now are trying to figure out how the hell are they supposed to live like after that. Without a goal. Without being the heroes anymore. And, hopefully, without distancing themselves from each other again.It’s a long, painful and bumpy road for sure.(The whole story is mainly from the Diego’s point of view)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so it’s my second piece i’ve ever published to ao3, i believe, and i just hope you guys like it!  
> (english is my third language but i really tried to write this well and constructive criticism is always welcome)  
> i joined the fandom not so long ago, finishing the series just the other week.. but here we are
> 
> it’s mainly really just me projecting my own problems and thought into the fic, just adjusting it a little to be more authentic for the characters and the atmosphere
> 
> i hope it turned out well,, maybe you’d think that diego is not the type of a guy to get struck by depression but. who the fuck knows, am i right?
> 
> (still can’t believe that i thought in the first episode how much of a dick diego is but,,, here we go now he’s my favourite character)
> 
> anyways, here’s my tumblr, you’re always welcome to visit and ask me anything or dm me: polimollykari.tumblr.com
> 
> kudos and comments here are greatly appreciated too! have a wonderful day and please don’t be sad after reading this fndndnd

Sunlight. Shadow. Sunlight. Another shadow.  
The car that Diego was driving has been rattling a little and he didn’t know if it was because of its age or because he didn’t take proper care of it.  
But frankly enough, he didn’t give a damn about it, not right now. The soft clinking was the only sound that spread around the insides of the vehicle as he was traveling across the town.  
It was the late evening hours and everything was lit in the orange, yellow and dark red colors.  
His brown eyes were firmly fixed on the road ahead of him.  
It would’ve been just a pleasant trip if the apocalypse didn’t happen two days ago. Or almost didn’t happen. Because they stopped it.  
The Hargreeves were able to calm down Vanya when she arrived to the mansion and nothing went wrong.  
As Five told them, he jumped to the next day to see what exactly is going to happen and he refused to give any details, only making sure to greet their youngest sister - even though they were all literally the same age, Vanya always felt like the smallest one - as she came back home, with the whole family.  
Luther made a scene, but with everyone there, even Pogo and Mom, the situation was under control, they talked about things and settled on the fact that now the apocalypse was **finally** over.

.

And it was awkward. The second that Five informed their family of the apocalypse being successfully prevented.. they didn’t know what to do.  
Allison went all emotional and scribbling on her notebook that she needs to talk to her daughter as soon as possible, Luther going out with her to make it even possible.  
Klaus started to talk to the air next to him, something about getting out of that place.  
Diego sat still until he realised that he’s the only one left in the room with Five and Vanya, who started to talk to each other and he felt out of place right away, so he got up and went to his room upstairs.

He just needed a second to get it, that it’s finally over and they can move on with their lives. Or a few seconds.  
Number Two didn’t even realise that he’d fallen asleep until the rest of the day, including the night, waking up in the morning by a soft movement of someone’s hand caressing his cheek.  
“Good morning, Diego” he instantly realised that it was Mom talking and took some time before he opened his eyes lazily, from sleeping that long in one go.

One of the biggest reasons why he didn’t spring to his feet yesterday and got the hell outta there was sitting on his bed, wishing him a good morning at that given moment.

Their Mom was everything for Diego. His sunshine, a light in endless darkness, a warm smile in the world of mocking comments and violence.  
He was often teased by his siblings about being the momma’s boy, but he was never ashamed of that.  
She was always so thoughtful, caring, loving and understanding about all his struggles and problems, she never dismissed him and always got time for him when he needed to form the words that got stuck in the throat.

“M-Morning, Mom,” he mumbled, taking her hand in his with slight annoyance of his own sudden stutter. It was probably the morning thing. Even though it never happened before for a long time already.

“Now get up, I made you and the rest of your siblings breakfast,” she said with a bright smile, flashing her unnaturally white teeth and hopping on her feet, already rushing to the dining hall.

Before she had a chance to leave his room Diego called after her, causing Grace to stop in the doorway and look back, meeting his big puppy eyes, full of love towards her.  
“I.. love you, Mom,” he said with a light pause, making an effort so the sentence was without bumps.

“I love you too, dear. Come on now, get up and join us downstairs!” she exclaimed enthusiastically, making her way out of his small room.

Diego’s thoughts started to race as soon as he sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling above him.  
_So is it now over? What do I do? Cha-cha is still alive somewhere, I should really get this over with. Why is my stutter acting up, after all those years of training and mastering it? Do I have to use all my energy to try and make the words sound right again? Do I just keep silent? Will I ever see Klaus again? How do we work out the fact that Vanya sliced Allison’s throat just some 48 hours ago? Can we be sure that the apocalypse is over? What if it’s still looming over us? Are we gonna try and fix the family now? Am I supposed to feel better after all of this? I still don’t know where Patch’s grave is.. At least Mom is still okay, after everything that happened. What about the guys that chased Five though-_

He grunted and frowned, suddenly sitting straight in the bed. He needed to stop. Thinking.  
Just block all those thoughts. He didn’t have any answers for anything his mind was crazy about and it’s not gonna make anything better.

The world lives on, but he feels like shit. Is it supposed to feel this way?

So he didn’t even bother to look into the cursed mirror that still stood next to his bed as he got up and went down the stairs.

There was only him, Vanya and Five at the table and he didn’t say a word. He got away with only “hums, shakes and nods” until he finished his breakfast, kissed his Mom on the cheek goodbye and without saying anything got out of that damn mansion.

.

Sunlight. Shadow. Sunlight. Another shadow.  
Diego finally stopped the car, finding a parking spot in the abandoned part of the town, near the fields and some farms. Damn he drove a long way.  
As engines creak died away, everything around him became so silent. It’s like the time has stopped, only the sound of his heart beating almost in his ears.  
Number Two immediately got out of the car, slamming the door shut and getting on top of the old vehicle, trying to find a comfortable position to sit on the roof, eyes fixed on something in the distance.

The apocalypse was over. Let’s say he believed that. What now then?

_I never really thought about anything afterwards. I mean I did.. until Patch died and everything became so fucking messed up. Vanya has powers, apparently, stronger than all of us? Dad killed himself to be seen as not that heartless or whatever, I still don’t get what he wanted to gain from it._  
_As we learned where we stand now, almost everyone left the house. Again. Was this “apocalypse mission” meant to bring us all together? We just drifted apart as we did before. The same fucking way._  
_But I admit, it was really nice to.. to know that I’m not alone for a change. That I have a home to go back to, filled with people who at least somehow care about me and know me._  
_I started to get along with Klaus again, quite unexpectedly._  
_Luther is still a shithead, Allison can’t speak.. Five refused to tell us anything about what he saw in the future where we didn’t succeed in saving the world. Ben’s statue is still broken in the family cemetery._

Diego shook his head and lifted his gaze up, now staring at the sky, painted in lilac colours, sweet orange clouds spilling into the sun until they became pink and white, touching the star as it was slowly setting down, bathing in the horizon.

_It’s all gone now. It’s like universe plays a cruel game with me, not just giving me shit after shit, but it actually gives me hope for the better, but then crushes me. Again and again._  
_Just like now._  
_Why should I even try again? My closest friend - apart from my not-so-closest family - is dead, her killer is running around somewhere, my siblings ran away from each other the second they realised there’s nothing holding them beck anymore.._

He sighed heavily and decided to try something. He was so terrified of his stutter coming back, that he didn’t speak since his last stammering sentence escaped his lips in the morning with Grace.

“W-w-w-wh-“ his fists were clenched right away, growl escaping his mouth as he realised that it’s really happening now.

Picturing the word in his mind, trying to say it in his head clearly.. Just like he tried all those years when he couldn’t say almost anything without being instantly clowned.

“W-w-what a shitty day,” he said quietly and laid down on the top of his car completely, now staring at the tree branches a few meters above his head.

_And now I can’t even speak properly without trying, like normal people do. Fuck this shit._

There came a chill breeze, making his face feel at least a little less hot from all the anger that he’s instantly built up because of his speech disability. He hated it.

_I feel so.. defeated. Everything is coming up the wrong way, it feels like all that we did actually didn’t fix anything, like it all crumbles down anyways. Maybe it’s like this only for me. Maybe I’m just pathetic and should get over this to feel better. If it’s even possible._  
_It’s such a joke that the weather and this place is so nice and peaceful, but I just wish I didn’t.. I wasn’t here. Like, at all._

Diego absolutely despised the fact that he’s thinking about it again. His life was never easy, and he never even tried to commit suicide, but lately he’s felt like.. life is not all that worth it.

_I have no choice but stay.. to check up on my family, to keep the town more secure, as much as I can, to make Mom smile. I don’t even see a different purpose anymore. Even when things are good for a while, they fade away with a snap into the darkness of helplessness._  
_Bad things overthrow the good ones without a doubt and it’s just surviving at this point._  
_I’m drained from this life. I’m done. Fed up._  
_My stutter will get only worse, family will keep arguing even more, grief over losing Eudora will be more and more painful.. dammit._

_We saved the world though, what a fucking relief._

And with a bang of hunger in his stomach Diego decided to crawl back into his car and head back home. He will help Mom with making dinner at least.

.

You’d expect that preventing the apocalypse will feel good. Well, it might, and sometimes does feel this way. But sometimes it doesn’t.  
It brought Diego on another level of struggling, probably described best as depression. And on that evening, after what he’s been thinking about, he didn’t smile a single time, not even at the sight of his precious Mom anymore, nor he said any words at all. It was all too much.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days it was really just him and Grace. He avoided meeting Vanya and Five who were still hanging out together in the house, talking about something he certainly didn’t care about.

Their Mom was programmed to be a caretaker. To take care of the physical health issues as well as having a vast knowledge of the mental health problems. 

Reginald might’ve never believed in something like that himself, but the coding he used contained tons of material from scientists and doctors, he just made sure that it was legitimate and never read through those papers, just poured it all in her beautiful robotic brain, not forgetting to switch the “no mental health care” off, because nobody had time for that in their childhoods as the children were continuously being mentally neglected and damaged, right?

But since Pogo made Grace working again, he reprogrammed her a little, turning that said metaphorical switch on, because these grown up children do need a bit of help.

And she put her “new” code to use immediately, when she saw the first signs. 

Oh, and not to mention that being able to read mental health problems has made Grace so much more compassionate and real in her feelings. Not that she was fake before, but you know what I mean.

 

 .

 When they were washing dishes after another meal, Diego stayed again and helped her. It felt pretty good, being able to just spend time with their Mom, not worrying about the world ending.

 “Diego, darling, you haven’t said anything the whole day to any of us..” she started carefully, eyes fixed on the lukewarm water in the sink and the circle movements as she was washing their porcelain.

He was standing next to her with a yellow cloth in his hands, wiping the plates clean, doing the similar circular motion.

Sunlight was silently filling the kitchen they were in, landing on the light brown tiles, making them seem gold. Some of them were covered with tiny droplets from the sink, especially the ones that were the closest to it and light danced on those beads of water, making it all sparkle into Diego’s brown eyes until he had to blink away from it, because it was too bright.

He didn’t know why Grace started this. He was never good with explaining what he felt, nor he ever wanted someone to know how he feels right now, especially not Mom. But she said it, the invisible question in her voice, and he just loved her too much to ignore it.

 “Hm..” he just hummed at first, his gaze slowly drifting upwards to her shiny, perfect blonde hair. 

And she did see the first signs. Sleep pattern changes, being in his thoughts more than usual, trying to avoid eye contact, endless silence.. something was off.

 “Why don’t you tell me how was your day today? After breakfast you stormed off somewhere and came back just by dinner. You for sure did something interesting, right?” she finished with the dishes, taking the cloth gently from him, wiping her hands clean and then proceeded to take his hand carefully, leading him to one of the less used living rooms, situated right after the kitchen, with most of the walls filled with windows.

There was a lot of junk, because once someone didn’t know what to do with heir things, they brought it here. But there was a comfortably looking couch near the far wall, right beside the window and Grace decided to go for that place.

Once they were seated next to each other, hand in hand, Diego let their eyes meet.

She was waiting for him to say something. Not in the demanding way, just in.. her usual, caring and loving way and it honestly melted his heart immediately.

Of course he can lean on her. She will be worried, yes, but she’ll understand and try to help. That’s their amazing Mom.

He cleared his throat, feeling the familiar tension forming in his throat.

“W-w-we saved th-the world, but I feel even w-w-w-worse than before.. And this c-came back,” towards the end of the sentence he gestured towards his throat and mouth and just let out a frustrated sigh. 

Grace’s eyes were filled with worry. It wasn’t pity and that made Diego feel so much better. She has never pitied him, she always saw past those things. 

“Okay,” she chirped and looked at him for some time, her child looking right back at her, patiently. Oh, he was always so patient.

Grace needed more time than usual to think of the right questions to ask, because despite being a robot, all of this was new even for her.

“Tell me honestly, do you want to do something that could bring you joy right now? Maybe eat cookies or throw your sharp knives in the garden?” 

That were two completely different activities, but Diego utterly loved both. 

“Honestly?” He automatically sighed in relief when no stutter appeared for the word and continued, “No.”

“Why not?”

Diego thought about it for the second and then just slumped his body further into the couch, feeling so small. 

“I d-don’t see a point in it.”

Grace gently lifted her slim arm and went through his dark spiky hair with her elegant fingers, making him relax at least a bit. “In what activity do you see the point then?”

He just pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows, saying nonchalantly and staring out of the window, “In n-nothin’, Mom.”

“Then I might have a suspicion that you have some form of depression, dear,” she said in her usual informative voice, coming to the conclusion by additionally reading his body language, choice of wording and - of course - his stutter reappearance.

“But we will work through that. And through your stammering as in the old times, right?” She flashed him a bright, cheerful smile, full of hope and new beginnings. 

“Right, M-Mom,” Diego confirmed quietly and smiled back at her.. for the first time that day.

 

. 

Grace eventually retrieved to her own activities as Diego affirmed her that her presence is really not necessary. Which it was, but he needed some lonely time right now. 

He found himself sitting on the big and creaky steps that led to the front door. 

He was just sitting, breathing steadily and feeling the atmosphere around him.

He never knew that silence could be that loud. 

The enormous mansion was almost empty, he heard the raindrops drumming violently on the big windows that were finally properly cleaned over two weeks ago, when Dad died and Mom wasn’t restrained to do only what the old man wanted. 

When did it start raining? 

Diego sighed and run his fingers over the still-healing knuckles on the right hand. The skin was raw and white with the hints of red on some places. It didn’t hurt anymore though.

What hurt way more was actually no physical pain, but the fact that he was absolutely lost, not knowing what to do next and how the life will be from now on.

He’s probably gonna go back to the vigilante business as it was all those years before, just with exception now that he’s not gonna be so friendly with police, and he won’t have anyone who’d want to heal him up.

Of course, Mom would be more than willing to do so, but he couldn’t help himself but starting to feel trapped in this horrible house again. 

He wanted to escape. Again. Exactly as he did when he was seventeen. 

But now it came as a bonus with the aftertaste that he really won’t see his family ever again and that there’s no Patch waiting for him.

_ Maybe I could take Mom with me. It’s not like the house is anything good now anyways. It can rot for all I know and care. Maybe I could show her a bit of the world. In a way she’s like Luther.. _

He suddenly made a grimace about the fact that he just compared these two on his own, eugh.

_ Never seen the world around her. _ 

This thought came with an angry huff, as he got up and hurried to his room.

And the second he came out of it, he had a plan in mind.

 

.

For some reason sun was shining again, the raindrops all transforming into the bright sparkles around the streets, on the windows, on top of the cars outside of this huge and old, creaking mansion.

As Diego went hurriedly to talk to his Mom about the plan he came up with, all sorts of thoughts ran through his mind.. 

What if she’s going to refuse? Or wouldn’t like his idea at all? Or complies just because she’ll sense how desperate her child is to keep the thoughts about the future at bay, so he doesn’t have to deal with it?

Eventually his two minute walk from the childhood room to the Mom’s usual cross-stitching place made him incredibly anxious and nervous, as he started to lose his firm and confident posture the closer he got to the stairs from the main hall.

And as soon as Diego caught with a corner of his brown eyes her perfectly done blonde hair, all the worries went away.

A pleasant wave of comfort and peace washed over him as he - to his own surprise - already stood right in front of her.

Grace looked up from her work in progress and smiled warmly, looking into Diego’s eyes ever so lovingly.

He grew up so well, she thought to herself proudly.

Diego went kneeling next to her chair right away, smiling in return, letting this feeling of being loved, safe and appreciated flow over him like another tide of the evening ocean splashing at your knees in late summer.

 “What’s on your mind, dear?” she asked with honest curiosity, seeing like her son is inspecting her own features and getting kind of lost in it, probably thinking about something.

“I hope I didn’t upset you when determining that you might have some form of depression earlier..” she said a bit more quietly, a glimpse of sorrow in her sweet, soothing voice.

It takes Diego a moment to snap out of whatever he was contemplating about, abruptly blinking his eyes and then shaking the head slightly.

“No.. no, Mom. Of course you didn’t upset me,” he got up for a second just to plant a light kiss on the top of her head and she just chuckled about it.

Then he was back on his knees again, looking at her patiently. 

“Mom, w-would you like to travel across the w-w-world w-with me? Just you and me. No m-more of that stupid house anymore, no more boring rout-.. routines.. You’d see and get to know so m-m-many different p-puh.. p-people and lifestyles..” he was unconsciously talking really quietly and gesturing with his hands around himself to “show” her the glory of the awaiting adventures that they could live through.

He also let his stutter go loose because his only goal at this point was to get the point across to his Mom. 

“Dear,”  _ please don’t say no, please don’t say “but this house is an incredible place and your home”, don’t leave me alone in this, I will lose my goddamn mind if I stay here any longer and I just want to take you with me- _

“That sounds like such a wonderful idea! I should get ready. When are we leaving?” she obviously loved the idea and was ready to go with all her mechanic heart.

Diego was so full of joy when he heard her reaction and couldn’t help himself but snort a little. 

“If you’re so eager to g-go then w-we can literally go ri-right now. All my things are p-p-packed and I don’t even have that m-much of them.”  _ Almost all of them are my knives. _

“I see,” she hummed and shimmied her way somewhere and anyone could tell that she was really excited, “let’s meet soon in the kitchen, we’ll go after the late night snack, okay?”

“‘kay!” Diego shouted after her, just now being able to sigh in relief.

He can forget about all his problems for a good while now.

 

. 

Grace called to their tiny meal everyone who was present in the house, meaning Five, Vanya and Pogo aside from Diego.

He didn’t want to tell them- No. He didn’t care about telling them. That was it. He just wanted to get out of there as soon as he could. They would be okay by each other’s side. Diego, on the other hand, didn’t have anything to do here anymore.

He can’t save any relationships with his siblings anyways, so what’s the point.

He took a shaky breath when he realised he’s thinking bad thoughts again and put his fists on the table - gently - so he didn’t bring more attention to himself as he was already doing, with Mom excitingly describing his idea to others present at the table.

They didn’t seem as enthusiastic about it as his Mom though.. but that’s okay.

Diego really couldn’t care less at that moment, just digging into his plate with a dull knife to help him slice these fruits in front of him. 

And the next day he was already driving from the early morning, Grace by his side, her eyes sparkling with excitement and hope about the world she’s about to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i SWEAR other characters will make their appearance soon as well, besides just diego and grace.. i just find their parent-child relationship so,, unique and great, i just couldn’t help myself and wrote a whole bunch of it.
> 
> we’re progressing slowly, don’t worry, this is still just a set up for some plot that i’m not even sure about yet, i just love when the fanfic has the life of its own
> 
> it seems like i’m the author, but really it’s just the ideas that pop up in my head and i stick them up together somehow and... ta-da! 
> 
> i’ve never had so much fun writing something like this yet, even though it’s supposedly angst,, (maybe i’ll add some tags around, but don’t u worry im the biggest angst enthusiast out here okay)
> 
> but yeah enough me rambling. thank you all for kudos and comments, it makes my days brighter!
> 
> hope you enjoyed this chapter ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

“She’s our Mom just as she is your Mom.” Five’s voice appeared out of nowhere, as he probably just teleported into the hallway, when Diego was just about to leave.

_ I almost left, for fuck’s sake. _

 

“ And?” he sighed heavily and put down the two big bags of  _ something  _ that Mom decided to pack with them on the road.

 

In these kind of situations Diego would just pull a “fuck off” attitude and went away not even looking into the intruder’s direction, because he really didn’t want to be stopped when he’s almost in the fucking doorway already. 

But it was his brother. Especially the one who left for their whole childhood, they grew up and grew apart without him and he missed him  _ so much. _

Even though they weren’t on the best terms with each other, Diego definitely feels the responsibility to hear him out before he leaves this house again.

 

“And I just want to tell you that we’re not doing an exactly.. amazing job with this whole “sticking around after the apocalypse” situation, you know?” his tone was definitely sarcastic but there were underlying hints of.. jealousy? Sadness? Disappointment? Anger?

Diego couldn’t quite tell, but there was for sure  **something**   beneath his words.

 

Five kept his hands in the pockets of his newly bought jeans, as he recently decided to finally pick himself a different outfit than the one he’s been wearing for the course of almost two weeks now, thank god.

 

“And what am I supposed to do? Man, I have m-my own problems and I just want to have a good time for once in m.. my damn life,” he tried so hard to make his words clean without stuttering and he almost succeeded, biting his inner cheek in the anticipation of his brother’s answer.

Five’s eyes drifted away to the something on the left as his lips formed a firm line. He sighed.

 

“Just say that you don’t care about us and go,” it was Vanya’s tiny voice, which now seemed - for some reason - really strict and tired as she came from around the corner, her hands crossed on her chest.

 

Now this hurt. The only thing that Diego actually cared about in his life was his family, he just did a really shitty job at expressing and showing it.

If he’d start to argue with them about it now, he’d be a stuttering mess as he feels his heart beating too fast already, he’d probably fucking cry because he was so exhausted from everything and he just wanted all of this to end. 

Why did they save the world again?

 

Diego was good at pretending that he was tough and strong and maybe he didn’t know the limit where he should just let go and show all his vulnerability to the loved ones.

So he didn’t.  

 

“T-t-t-that’s n-not true, V-V-Vanya,” he blurted out, his facade of the ‘I’m okay’ guy threatening to fall any second now. He couldn’t let them see him like this.

He wanted them to think that he’s okay, that he’s not the one they should worry about. But their faces changed drastically as they finally heard his stammering, maybe in their heads it clicked why he didn’t even talk that much in the last few days.

 

“Diego, maybe we could just-“ he never heard Five finish his sentence as he stormed out of the building with his hands full, throwing the bags hurriedly into his car, jumping into the driver’s seat and flooring the gas pedal as they drove far away with Grace by his side.

And for some reason, it was pouring again.

 

.

Diego was driving for several hours straight now, finally starting to feel that he’s losing the focus and is just really tired, worn out. He didn’t eat much as well. That was stupid of him. But he just wanted to escape so desperately, no more of that city, no more of its streets, no more of this horrible rain, just no more.

 

And they were currently riding through some small village of sorts, Diego could really count all the houses on the fingers of his two hands.

He jerked at the light touch of Mom that put her elegant hand on his arm.

“Diego, dear, what if we switch up? You seem really tired to me,” she said calmly, with a hint of worry in her soft and quiet voice.

 

“You know how t-to drive, Mom?” he said as quietly back, with his dark eyes on her, accompanied by a small smirk on the lips.

“I’ve studied you as you were driving for hours now and I am positive that I saw most of the possible scenarios that could play out and how should I react and what should I pull. Easy.”

Was here cockiness in her tone? He’d never noticed that before and his smile widened a little as he kept his gaze on the road now.

She’s really evolving.  _And_ she outlived her creator. What a beautiful world.

 

Long story short, they pulled over near to the only little shop that was in this middle-of-nowhere place.

Funnily enough it was a donut shop and Diego ate a lot. Of donuts, of course. There wasn’t anything else in the damn thing.

He looked around and noticed how slowly everything went. The customers were almost nonexistent and the air felt hot. It was the middle of the summer, after all.

 

That was the only time on their trip when things were going slowly and silently, though.

 

As days went by he actually learned a lot of new things about his Mom, she told him how she was sometimes feeling like she’s fighting against her code, and how much more empathetic she can be now and that it made her really happy. 

Diego almost teared up while listening to that, not being able to say a word, just nodding and humming.

 

They started daily speech lessons when Grace would show Diego how to not only picture the words in his mind, but how to make his mind ease, so that the words wouldn’t fight so much against his own throat and tongue.

They both knew it won’t go away completely, but by putting effort into it each time he talked, he’ll be soon able to get so much better. He’ll be able to heal.

 

Their first significant stop was by the coast of America, when Grace went running to the ocean, standing in the water and looking at the view.

Diego progressed into getting a lot of tan naturally and his Mom would act like she’s hurt that she still stays as white as she always was.

 

On the airport the metal controller you normally go through wouldn’t stop beeping even after Grace took off her ring and Diego had to very politely explain the fact that his Mom is a robot.

Somehow, he managed to bring in all knives with him on board.

 

By the time they found themselves in Croatia, Diego decided that he didn’t want to use his d(e)ad’s billionaire card for all their expenses as he started to throw (literally) a knife show every night near the places that were filled with tourists and they all adored him, throwing him coins of all the possible currencies. Grace always cheered the most when he was performing.

 

When they bought Grace a lot of amazing outfits like long-sleeved, juniper green top with the tawny brown shorts that she picked herself, they were just walking through the streets of Italy.

Two guys probably failed to see how dangerous Diego could be, because one of them full on checked her whole body out with his hungry eyes and the other one whistled at the sight of her butt as they passed them.

Grace didn’t think anything of it, but Diego swiftly threw his two knives the way that they would return like a boomerang into his hands, while slicing the sides of their legs. Just a tiny bit, so it didn’t hurt them that much (at least that’s how Diego thought about the small bleeding cuts), because in the meantime of doing so he tried to keep her attention on one of the monuments that they were just heading towards to.

 

He watched his Mom pick up an art stand in the french park, trying painting for the first time in her life.

The painting was beautiful, full of colours and a little bit more dramatic and chaotic than the trees looked like in reality. 

Maybe that’s how she sees the world. After all she never had a say in anything, just watching silently how the world was unfolding and crumbling around her dear seven kids.

 

When they were in China, the two of them - by some terrible mistake - walked into the old acupuncture centre in the middle of the Chinese village and Diego passed the fuck out.

He doesn’t remember much of that, but Grace told him that she really wanted to try and while they put her son in the comfortable chair to rest, she laid down and the masters tried getting the needle into her metallic skin.

It didn’t work out and the people were definitely scared.

Their adventures lingered for a few weeks until Diego realised himself that he really wants to make it work. Of course, some part of him surely died and was still aching as a wound that will never close up or heal in the events that they lived through in that week with his siblings, all of his earlier life springing to its feet again, no matter how much he wanted to bury it deep inside of him where he could barely reach it.

 

He still couldn’t decide if their family coming together was more healing or damaging, but they needed to work through it. 

How else is he supposed to move on and forgive some of the things that they did to each other?

 

Diego doubted he’d ever appreciate being alive again, because life itself has decided to be so harsh to him and his family..

But he really wants to be content at least in some rare moments of the present, when he could look around and see his siblings, his Mom, being by his side..

 

And in the end he found himself - while firmly holding Grace by her hand - in front of the massive doors of the same old mansion that still holds so many bad memories for him, making him grimace, hand clutching on his Mom’s palm even more. 

“It’s okay, dear,” she told him with a reassuring smile.

 

Grace knew that Diego had to come back in order to heal, to be alongside his family and that he had to taste some adventures before that, just so he’d realise that he won’t be fine on his own, even with her by his side.

They all had to figure out how to be a family.

 

And before Diego even opened the door, it swung open by its own, as it first seemed. 

And there was his brother standing in front of them.

“Oh salutations, brother dear!” as soon as he noticed Mom behind him, he gave her a little wave with the ‘hello’ written on the palm, “Mother dear!” and let them in.

 

“Finally,” said Five, standing on the staircase of the main foyer, very familiarly as he stood the last time, when Diego left the house weeks ago.

 

“Dining hall. Now,” said Luther as he suddenly came out of the room on the right side and passed everyone by, sparing just a little smile for Grace before he was gone.

 

_... the fuck? _

 

“What’s happening?” asked Diego, arching his brow and trying to find answers by looking at his baby brother (who was actually way older than him) whom disappeared in the small explosion of the blues, most probably reappearing instantly in the other room.

He saw Vanya go down the stairs tiredly and opened his mouth to ask something, but no sound came out, making him look as a fish as he closed it again. She didn’t spare him a glance.

 

Klaus was the only one who stayed in the hallway with him and Grace with a dramatic sigh.

“Let’s  _ go _ , people. As Luther said, dining hall.  _ Now _ ,” he clearly clowned Number One as he was saying the last bit, turning on his bare feet and making his way forward.

 

Diego licked his upper lip in the slight nervousness and looked as Mom already followed his brother.

 

_ What the fuck is going on in this family. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, grace agreed to the crazy trip mostly because she knew that it’ll help diego and that he’ll come to the logical conclusion himself... she’s the best mom  
> and yes, when it’s pouring it was vanyas powers connecting to the weather because she was sad that their family was breaking apart again
> 
> feel free to find more connections and “secrets” because there’s plenty of them, i always think through the motives of what characters do and why
> 
> also?? diego and grace going on the mf adventure across the world was Not what i was planning to write about. but i guess the true fun starts when your fic takes over and almost writes itself, taking *you* on adventures instead, right?
> 
> and the last thing, i can’t stress enough how much of my own feelings i project into the whole thing and how it helps me immensely
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3 have a great day!


	4. Chapter 4

The air in the dining hall felt heavy. Incredibly.

Diego and Luther were the only ones who were standing, the first leaning with his back on the counter, looking at his siblings cautiously.

The silence was almost unbearable because every single person in this room knew that they wanted to say something. But neither of them did, making the tension greater with each passing second.

And the brave soldier of the day was - of course - Klaus. Not wanting to live through another minute of this torture.

“Okay okay, I see we all turned mute for the occasion,” he chirped as he hopped from the counter next to Diego, making everyone’s eyes dart to him.

Brilliant. Klaus loved to be the center of attention, but after thinking about it, Diego concluded that maybe today he’d much rather stay put, just like himself.

Nevertheless, Number Four started his monologue right that second.

“I know that we were always good on the missions, with our powers, with the way we stood our ground when needed, we even stopped a fucking apocalypse! But we were never really good at that..” he tried to gesture some shapes in the air, “ _family thing_ ,” he said after the slight pause.

He was slowly walking from the one corner of the room to another, thinking and looking overly dramatic about things, as he always was. That’s just Klaus.

“And let me tell you all. I went out the day after we stopped the end of the world and I got so fucking hiiigh,” he emphasised the last word with passion, hands shaking as he was describing his sentence non-verbally with his gestures, “and it sucked!” Klaus laughed helplessly after saying that, slipping to the chair in the corner of the room.

“And I just.. I tasted - at least a bit - how it feels like when we try to be a family. And I really liked it. And honestly? I would **love** to try being a family with all of you psychos, you know?” he ended his speech quietly in a tired tone, closing his eyes slightly, probably getting ready to be ignored again. As he always got.

The speech got greeted by the grave silence, brothers and sisters thinking about his words, all in different ways.

“Despite everything that happened,” a silent voice came through the room, Vanya holding her hands together in a firm grasp, clearly nervous.

“I talked to Five a lot these past days, or weeks.. and I agree with Klaus. We can’t move forward like this. If nothing good comes out of it and we end up never talking to each other ever again..” her gaze dropped to the ground, “so be it. But we have to try and talk about stuff,” she wasn’t confident enough to look up, but her voice wasn’t that quiet anymore.

Allison was nodding her head, but realising that nobody’s watching her except for Diego’s observant gaze, she got a bit flustered and clapped her hands to bring attention to herself.

Everyone looked up and she nodded her head again, showing to the rest of them the note that she probably scribbled a while ago already.

_“We all should just talk about things and see where it gets us. We have to try. I love all of you.”_

_Fucking writing it out is easier than actually say it._ Thought Diego bitterly but then sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I’m sorry for disappearing on you all before, but now that we’ve all assembled we can have at least one family discussion. No need for all those speeches that our dear sisters and a brother started pulling, the rest can just nod in agreement or whatever and we can set a date and talk,” he said, the tone changing every few seconds as he grew from annoyed to flustered to frustrated to i-don’t-even-know-how-i-feel-anymore-fam.

“Diego.. we have to finally become a family now. Not just setting a day and go meet and talk. We have to be organic about it. I know it’ll be hard, I know we’ll have to really fucking try at this, but I think we can get there.” Five said, sipping on, probably another, mug of black coffee.

Diego just sighed at it and hesitantly nodded, rolling his eyes a fair bit.

And then there was silence again.

“Oh and Ben says he agrees, y’all!” said Klaus and smiled widely at everyone.

“So you want to tell us you can.. see Ben, or whatever?” asked Luther reluctantly.

“I’ve been telling you the whole time but you didn’t listen!” proclaimed Klaus with his thin hands automatically in the air from disbelief.

“Well, I just thought that being high all the time messed with your head..” Number One said,

“Well yeah, sure, but nobody cared when I got beaten up and kidnapped except Diego! Do y’all even know about it? I was forced to sober up and I had terrible withdrawals and then I went to the fucking Vietnam war where-“

“Klaus. Hey.” Vanya spoke up quite loudly, setting the silence in the room again and continued when all the eyes were on her, “we will listen to your story, you don’t have to tell us about it in a.. sort of argument kind of way, okay?”

“We’re here for each other now,” said Five pretty tiredly.

Klaus sighed and nodded a few times, “alright, alright. I know it’s not that late yet but I’d really appreciate some time off until the rest of the day. So we can start being a family tomorrow, maybe?”

“No. We’re doing it right from this second, and that doesn’t mean that you can’t go and rest now. We all need a lot of that. So I think getting a time off until the rest of the day is actually a good idea. But we are not postponing this shit. We already started, okay? Keep that in mind, everyone.”

After Five finished his sentence it was clear that he wanted to literally vanish to his room, so Diego quickly followed his reply.

“Then maybe you can stop teleporting from place to place and actually start walking? I think that’s more.. _family-friendly_ ,” he said with clear cockiness in his voice and Five just stared at him for a while.

But then got up and walked from the room.

Everyone soon followed, clearly not sure about how they will make it work.

After all, they saved the world but forgot to save themselves.

.

 

The next morning he was woken up by a ringing and terribly annoying sound of a bell going through the halls of their old house.

“Rise and shine, my pretty family! Let’s get this eating, everybody! I can’t cook for shit so I strongly suggest someone go right this second with me to the kitchen in order to make some eatable breakfast for all seven of us!” and of course, Klaus was already on his feet, being the annoying little brother that he always was.

But Diego actually smiled a little about his comment. And for the record, he was pretty decent at cooking, so he decided to go right with him.

_I was so scared that I’ll never see him again.. I really should try at this family thing. Even though everything else really sucks. Despite every fucking effort I put into having a better life, it all seems to just backfire. I just want to feel okay again._

With these saddening thoughts, Diego sighed and was already on his way downstairs to help his precious brother.

Klaus was already picking up a pan and heating the stove up, so his brother had to rush in and put it away and turn it down.

“That’s not how you make something, bro. Do you have a recipe or something?”

Klaus just let Diego do his thing as he clearly knew what he was doing in the kitchen more than he could ever comprehend.

“I mean.. I just kind of wanted to do something. Maybe something ambiguous?” it was as if he was asking him instead of replying.

Number Two just sighed and shook his head. After some time of comfortable silence, he asked, “So nobody showed up, huh?” while already making scrambled eggs for everyone in the house.

“I think Vanya could’ve helped, but I guess she’s not really a morning person,” Klaus said, sitting his ass on the countertop, thinking about something and then continuing.

“You know, it’s really fascinating how little we know about each other, despite living all our childhood together.. I don’t know if Vanya’s a morning person or not, if you like tea or coffee more, if Five’s a dog or a cat person.. that’s weird, brother,” he drifted with his gaze somewhere to the outside view with a small yawn.

“No wonders here, Klaus. We all lived under a regime with the old man. People who live like this don’t know much about each other. But I actually…” he paused for a minute, reevaluating whether he was feeling safe enough to open up like this to Klaus about this topic, while flipping the food on the pan a little and adding pepper with salt, “I actually want it all to work out. If I don’t have you all I-“ he swallowed his emotions down, trying to keep it cool in front of his sibling.

“If I don’t have you all I don’t have anybody,” Diego said quietly, still hovering over the pan actually trying to fight back the tears.

He’s so damn sad, depressed. How can he just let go and show his vulnerability? It’s so damn hard.

Little did Diego know that by the time he started talking about it, Luther and Five have already met in the hallway and went down together to help out as well, but ended up standing in the doorway, not daring to disturb a moment of rare honesty.

“Don’t worry. We won’t lose each other now,” Klaus reassured him and put his left hand on his shoulder while gesturing the other guys to come in and announce their presence with his right hand, since he was sitting on the counter and was facing the doorway.

“Good morning, guys. I need a-“ Five said, struggling to say anything because of the intense yawning.

“Coffee,” Luther finished his sentence, looking down at his brother.

He just squinted his eyes back at him and went over to the coffee machine in his baby blue pyjamas. 

Soon enough all of the family showed up. There were seven chairs by the table, so Klaus sat at the one that was second last to the corner and demanded that seat next to him is for Ben.

“I will work on that, so soon you all will be able to see him,” he said firmly but then smiled at the thin air next to him, “No problem, bud. They’ll see you’re here.”

Allison happened to sit right in front of the “empty” seat so she thought about it for a while and then scribbled on her yellow paper in big font “ _hi, ben, i missed you. <3_” and held in her hand so he could apparently see it.

Everyone else started eating already, just Diego and Vanya noticed what Allison’s been up to.

Klaus jumped slightly, as if he was just pinched, and looked at Allison and then smiled warmly. “He says thanks.”

She then smiles back into the thin air, by which Klaus snorted a little, and then starts to dig in food as well as the others.

In the middle of the meal, Vanya spoke up, pointing with her fork at their breakfast.

“Who made this?” she asked in a genuinely curious tone.

Diego was looking at her - because she came later she didn’t see who was the cook - but didn’t say a word, just silently chewing his own portion.

“Diego,” Five said indifferently.

“It’s really good,” she said more quietly then, because she was sitting right in front of him, and smiled a little.

“It’s too salty though,” deadpanned Luther, making a grimace.

“What?! Dude, make your own next time, then. We’ll see your cooking skills!” he gestured at him with his dull kitchen knife, frowning.

“I agree with Luther,” said Five as he stood up to wash his plate.

“No, you’re just petty that you didn’t wake up early enough-“

“Guys I didn’t say it so we could start arguing,”

“No, you’re just mediocre in this and it’s alrigh-“

“I’m mediocre?! Can you hear yourself, just try it for yourself next time!”

“Okay y’all, maybe we can have a dessert now?”

“Excuse me?!..”

 

_So good for a peaceful breakfast at Hargreeves family, huh.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not uploading for a while! as you can see, the main themes in this piece are depression and overall sense of being lost in life and well... i write it from personal experiences, so you might just guess correctly what's been making it hard for me to continue writing, but we got here! chapter four.
> 
> tbh i have no idea where to go next from here, i know the general direction where to go, what i want characters to achieve, but it will take me a while to figure out how to put it in words. also i want it to be an interesting read, even though i didnt initially plan on any action, so we will see, anything is possible.
> 
> i hope yall are having a great day and that i made some of you smile with the update.  
> also, it would make *me* smile if you can leave some comment, either criticizing or appreciating my work or even throw in some ideas, im open to anything!   
> i never get much feedback on anything that i post, so even having some kudos and a few bookmarks already made me so surprised, though. thank you for being here on this little sad journey with me.  
> i love tua dearly,  
> see you in the next one.


End file.
